@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
