Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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