We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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