i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
