My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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