id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
