After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
NoShamevember. You game?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
