Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
