Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
