so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
