it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
