just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
