I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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