Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
