Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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