O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
