You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
