i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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