How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm at about main and main street
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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