yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize