You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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