and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Shame is for Republicans.
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