I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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