I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
