Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
