I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
