think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
