how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
