Define "chronic" masturbator.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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