3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
