I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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