I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
