I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
