I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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