Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
