I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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