Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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