thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
