just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
