...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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