i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize