If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
