I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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