Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
