i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
