I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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