He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
