Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
