Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
