I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
