do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
