i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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