So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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