so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
