My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
