good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
