come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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