The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
