If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
