i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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