I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
