I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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