I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
