I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
