I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
