i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
sarcasm needs its own font
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
